The Final Post

On Feb. 24, 2013 Karl lost his battle with cancer. Then again, did he really lose?

An example of a post from one of my atheist Facebook

"friends." He was commenting on the story of a woman

who admitted to stabbing her mother. Apparently there

are millions of people of faith out there with "twisted brains."

Many of you are familiar with Facebook. I have an account and several of my “friends” are admitted atheists. Some are quiet about their beliefs, or should I say, disbeliefs. Others are quite vocal, mocking people who have faith. Some have said it’s a superstition – that belief in God is tantamount to believing in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.  Don't get me wrong, these admitted atheists are very good people; they also post very nice comments that talk about loving and caring for others. They hate war and theft and greed and corruption, but they say it makes no sense to believe in anything that can't be proven. They make fun of and post cartoons that paint anyone who has faith as dogmatic, foolish hypocrites who are the cause of all wars and woes of the world. I read their posts and comments on others’ walls and so badly want to respond, but each time I remind myself that they don’t know what I know. They haven’t heard what I've heard. They haven’t felt what I've felt. They haven’t witnessed what I've witnessed.

As a kid my parents took me and my brothers to church where we learned all the Bible stories. In my opinion, it was good for us to know at a young age that we could always count on God, who loved us so much that He gave His son to die for our sins – that through this gift, we would have eternal life. But I will admit that I had absolutely no comprehension until many years later what that meant. I was happy Jesus was born because that meant we received Christmas presents. I was glad for Easter because that meant we got a basket full of yummy candy.

My first experience with the Holy Spirit, which until then was a mystery to me, came when my dad was dying of cancer in 2001. I fasted and prayed continuously that he'd be healed. Many did. One night we had a group who gathered to pray over him. He received a miracle. It wasn't the one we were praying for, but the next morning when he awoke, his excruciating pain was completely gone. COMPLETELY GONE. A few weeks later when it was clear that Dad would lose his battle with cancer, I asked God to give me a glimpse of what Dad would experience in heaven. I told Him I knew I could handle Dad’s death if He could show me what it was like. Seconds later, a wave of the most intense feeling of love and indescribable peace – the peace that passes all understanding – consumed me. It couldn't have lasted more than two seconds, but I knew in that instant – I KNEW WITHOUT QUESTION – that I had been given and unbelievable gift, that God was real and that heaven existed. I knew Dad was going to a place that was so much better than here on earth. How can that possibly be superstition? How could I have subconsciously contrived that wave of feeling and utter peace?

God didn't stop there. The entire time Karl was battling cancer along with the secondary and tertiary illnesses and infections that accompanied it, God answered our prayers so many times. If you go back through the posts on this blog you can read about them. I think about his last few weeks at University Hospital, as well as St. Mary’s Hospital at the Mayo Clinic, and remember all the people who cared for him, how they touched him and how he affected them. I can't explain it any other way than the Holy Spirit was moving through the doctors and nurses and care providers (most of them anyway) and Karl energized them through his love of life and acceptance of whatever came his way. What a gift his sense of humor was!

December 27, 2012

When we were told his cancer had spread so quickly a year ago today, he paused for a moment and then began thinking about how to deal with it. His days were certainly numbered and it’s my belief that God wanted to spare Karl – and us – from all the pain and suffering that would certainly have accompanied those days. The next morning we were told Karl had hours to live due to the spread of the cancer in his brain.  I often reflect about the way he handled it. Think about it…he is given the worst news imaginable and how does Karl handle it? He wanted to spend his last hours loving, laughing with and saying goodbye to his friends, family and the people who took care of him. What a gift from God! (Both Karl and his ability to go out that way).

Since Karl’s death, God (and Karl) continues to augment our faith in His grace, forgiveness, love and life after death. I know, WITHOUT QUESTION, that Karl is okay. He has come to so many people in dreams. In one dream he told his dear friend that her brother, who ended his own life, was okay. She talked to Karl about it many times while he was still with us. It worried her and she wondered if her brother was okay and she said Karl spent a lot of time on the phone soothing her. In the dream, Karl was fishing with her brother. She saw Karl and her brother and her dad in a boat on a river. He didn't speak; he just had that big Karl smile. She was so affected that she had to call me to tell me about her dream. She said she never remembers her dreams so she was certain it was a message from Karl. She was comforted and her faith was tremendously strengthened. She is doubtless that her brother and her dad and Karl are okay. Even after his death, she said, Karl is still reassuring her.

In another dream my son-in-law shared, Karl walked up to him and told him to get rid of his wheelchair – he didn't need it anymore. In several dreams, he told one of his friends who was struggling to keep it together, to be responsible and stop his self-destructive behavior. This friend said he feels Karl with him frequently. He has since stopped drinking, gotten back with his girlfriend and their daughter, expanded his business and bought a house.

The day Karl died at precisely the time he passed, three of his friends had things happen. One saw Karl’s apparition as church services were ending; another had things fly (not fall, but fly into the aisle) off the shelf at the grocery store and another was taking a shower and a light came through the north-facing window in the bathroom and beamed on him. Have you ever had sunbeams stream through a north-facing window, especially in February?

We had a babysitter who tortured us as kids (but we loved her and still do). We had the 45 record of “Ben” sung by Michael Jackson and we played it over and over one night, singing at the top of our lungs. After the fifth or sixth time, she asked if we liked that song and when we said yes, she told us Michael Jackson had been hit by a truck and killed. Karl broke down in tears! We were both devastated. Later that evening she told us she was kidding, but neither one of us ever let her forget that night. As she was meandering through Meijers on the day after Karl died, on the overhead speakers she heard “Ben.”  Really? When is the last time you heard that song?!

St. Anthony is known as the Catholic patron saint of lost items, but our family isn’t Catholic so Karl has taken on the role…only he hides them, too(you know Karl the prankster!). Not even a month after he died, I cleaned out my purse three times looking for a bottle of pills. Mom, Kirk, Renee, Randy and I were in Florida and I kept asking everyone if they had seen the bottle and they watched while I emptied it on the bed and then put everything back systematically – THREE TIMES! Before I went to sleep that night I asked for Karl’s help in finding it. The next morning it was lying in my purse, just beneath my sunglasses case, which was at the top.  We were all astounded. Just yesterday, Karl was at it again. Several months ago, Mom hid some cash in a place only she knew about. When she went back to retrieve it, it wasn’t there. She was concerned and puzzled. She said she checked the hiding place at least 20 times and even dumped the contents to make sure she looked everywhere inside. She started questioning her memory and sanity! Then yesterday, as she was checking the hiding spot again, the money was right where she put it initially!

Shortly after his death and after hearing all these stories about Karl’s “visits,” Mom was in the kitchen at her grandniece’s house, complaining that he hadn't made his presence aware to her. Just about that time, an empty four-footed basket that sat squarely on top of the refrigerator “flew” off and landed at her feet. Later this past summer Mom was having a particularly difficult day and complained to Karl while on her way to take his dog Mati to the groomers. She told him he was communicating with everyone but her. When she emerged from the building after dropping off Mati, there was a magnificent double rainbow. But the most amazing thing is that the rainbow was in the western sky. When is the last time you saw a rainbow in the morning in the western sky? It was a first for me! She drove straight to my house to point it out to me.

On the day before his birthday I was at Mom’s in the garage cleaning some of Karl’s stuff, getting it ready to sell. Nobody was there but me and Mati. She was inside barking incessantly. The television was on, but I couldn't hear it in the garage. After about 15 minutes of bark, bark, bark, bark, I heard a loud “NO!” It was Karl’s voice. I thought I was hearing things, but then it dawned on me…Mati had stopped barking.

I could go on and on. He has “communicated” with so many people. They are kind enough to share their experience. I think it’s Karl’s way of continually telling us he’s okay while at the same time strengthening the faith of all involved. Ultimately, Karl’s message is that God’s promise is true. No, Karl didn't lose. He is, as Charlie Sheen says, “Winning!”

While we all miss Karl more than we can bear sometimes, we know he is whole and pain-free. To those who think that God is a superstition, I say I have the proof. I know it. I've witnessed it. I've heard it. And many of you have, too. I’m glad my atheist friends haven't had to experience the pain we've had to endure and I wouldn't wish that on anyone, but at the same time, the guarantee of those messages and dreams and signs and symbols and songs is such a comfort. The atheists are right about this: we ARE hypocrites and sinners and imperfect and broken, but despite that we are forgiven. Thanks be to God.

Now my dear friends and family, this is my final post on this blog. I wish you God’s peace and I leave you with an Irish blessing, a Kerry original…

May you be blessed beyond measure,

May you have love and pleasure and

May you know God’s treasure,

Jesus Christ our Lord.